Motherhood is Hard.

People say you can't imagine the crushing love that comes with having kids until you are knee deep in it --- totally one hundred percent true. When Saxon was born I was so confused (for some reason I thought it would be a girl so I was a little caught off guard) and was in this surreal state of mind where I just couldn't really believe it was all happening, and I had guilt that it wasn't this immediate rush of crazy waves of all encompassing love...it was more like "holy shit what just happened?!"

(wearing his favorite motorcycle pj pants!)

Then yesterday we dropped him off at his new day care in a real school environment, not just a person's home. It was all a little much for me, I don't really want him in such a grown up place yet (we don't have much of a choice at this point) but he ran around and was interested in everything and seemed happy if not a little confused. When I left I watched him through the windows for a little bit and had the most intense feelings for my kid I have ever EVER had. He was sitting on the floor lined up with the four other kids and they were looking up at a board that was on the same wall as the windows...he was so small and while he was following along, there was such a bewildered look on his sweet tiny face that it broke my heart. That and that he was sitting this foreign school environment but he is such a little baby guy (16 months is still little!!) ...I could seriously, physically FEEL all the feelings filling up my chest...intense pride, heavy guilt, sadness that it's happening so fast and overwhelming LOVE. A fierce realization of how I would do anything for that little face. I know it will get easier - or who knows - maybe we will figure out something that makes more sense...but it was all just a reminder of how amazing and how hard it is to have kids.

Homemade Baby Wipes - yes or no...

I am very intrigued by these homemade wipes...every time I use a wipe for Saxon I feel like I am killing the earth a little bit at a time. The idea of paper towels that will break down quickly is tempting...I might have to do it just out of curiosity also because it's rare to be in complete control of what's  in your baby's products and going on their skin...this one is a snap...olive oil, baby wash and warm water - voila!

My artist baby...

This photo makes me swoon with love for my little son for so many reasons - - and you can't even see his face in this picture! I love how crazy his hair got because of all the girls who were babysitting who were playing with him and loving him up. I love how intent he is on drawing, you can see it in his body language how hard he is trying. How he plastered the WHOLE wall (it wipes off...) with his intense scribbles. How he loves to draw and scribble for ever and ever...art is a very special thing to me and to see him get into it this way makes me a very proud mama. I love this kid!

Little Kids Are Hilarious.

Two sisters are recorded discussing a recent haircut the older one gave to the younger one. It made me laugh really hard and maybe because kids are so small in stature it always surprises me that they are as intelligent and as funny as they are.

Click here to go listen.

Fun Kids Plates

Normally I wouldn't spend much money on stuff like this but these plates were too irresistible. Thanks to my friend Stacie, I am obsessed with these kitschy retro styled lions and tigers (from crib sheets to pajamas to now plates!). These melamine plates by Ingela P. Arrhenius are sooooo freaking cute and the thought of Saxon getting all excited to see animals he recognizes and loves while eating is too much! I got the lion and tiger of course and the sun because it was so sweet. The other animals are cute but don't quite hold the same personality that these ones do. They would make great gifts for anyone with kids - or really anyone who collects interesting and silly plates!

Brass Mobile

I like the idea of a baby's mobile not only be a functional piece but also a small work of art. It's rare that you have art working literally hanging from the ceiling in your home - usually it comes in the form of posters and paintings and photographs and little tchotchkes. For Saxon's room I chose the this mobile which I love but I think I might love this big brass mobile by Himmeli even more because it really is a work of art. And I picture it making delicate little tingy tang noises that would calm a baby down...and when your babies are grown they would still have a piece that isn't dated or strictly for babies. Too bad it's a just a LITTLE outta my price range...

Dada

Should I be amused or concerned that my little one REFUSES to call me Mommy? He refers to me as Dada...Ashley is Daddy and I am Dada. No idea how that happened and it's mostly just funny but every once in awhile I wish he would look at me and say Momma...he only uses the term when he is under great duress or very pissed off. Hmmmm, now what does that say...

Mini Jumpsuit!

If I had a baby girl I think she would be wearing one of these like every single day - how sweet and practical is this fun jumper from Darling Clementine??? Dressing Saxon is less about super cuteness and more about what can he wear and not ruin during his daily routine of sun, sand, sprinklers, mud puddles, grass stains and food spills. He still looks super cute in his uniform of sweats and tees but there is just something about little girls outfits that make me squeal little high pitch noises every single time.

It's Hard Being Two

What a great idea - documenting your two year old tantrums...several things stand out to me about these photos - besides the fact they are hilarious and sweet. The kid seems to have reduced the tantrum down to laying so still as to be faking sleep although i get that this is a PICTURE. And it doesn't seem like anyplace is exempt from fit throwing - the beach, library, sidewalk, living room...as someone who threw their fair share of AWFUL tantrums when I was little I can tell the kid is probably thinking - thanks MOM for stopping to take a photo while I am in an emotional crisis over here. Hopefully Saxon will be a little easier on us but for as sweet of a little boy that he is, I can already tell he has quite a lot of attitude just waiting to be unleashed.  See the tantrum tumblr for more photos. 

Found this at Sven Design.

Fun Parent vs Mean Mommy

I consider myself a pretty fun parent...my life with my baby is full of laughter and singing and kisses and silly voices and dancing and snuggling and jumping up and down for no reason and all of it...but I didn't expect to also be such a disciplinarian. That caught me by surprise...I feel like I am always nagging at Saxon for something - to not hit, to say thank you, to not touch stuff, that he doesn't have to cry to get what he wants, to not put things in his mouth, to sit down before he goes down the steps, that he can't stand up in the tub...and then I watch Ashley and him smack things in the living room with bats and ride off to the neighbors on a skateboard and head butt each other and make spitting sounds till they are blue in the face and yelling for no reason and I think - well crap, Ashley gets to be the FUN parent - how'd that happen? Is Saxon going to look at me as the mean parent? It sounds dramatic and the kid is only one but I just didn't see this happening...I guess, HELLO, it's called parenting and it's a lot of work, I just didn't anticipate all the...nagging that seems to be involved. I already harp on my husband enough - replace the toilet paper, stop picking your feet, close the door all the way when you leave, turn the volume down, put the seat down, don't throw all the f**king pillows on my side of the bed...it just gets to seem like a lot sometimes. But then I see kids whose parents don't do ENOUGH disciplining and it's a complete mess...chaos and noise and fits and kids who are sweet but have no boundaries and run the household and that frankly are exhausting to be around for very long. It's all just so weird how you have no idea what kind of parent you are going to be...

It makes me wonder where we get our parenting styles from - is it from how you were raised? Intuition? Your personality? Having never done ANYTHING like this before in my life, it's an interesting thing to watch unfold and I am learning a lot about myself as a person through all this. Luckily I have an amazing group of friends and family that to me are the most wonderful mothers I could imagine and I get to watch what they do and learn what works for me and my family. And also I am just making s**t up as I go and hope I am not doing anything that lands my kid in weekly therapist visits...sigh.